Everyone has been telling me for years that my mother was the glue to our family. The one constant that kept everything together. I've always known this and fully believed it. However, I have finally started to pull the rose tinted glasses away and accepted it.
Over the holiday, we went to visit the family. It was nice to see everyone, don't get me wrong. But...there was no click, no connection. It was truly as if I were an out of town guest visiting. We visiting with my dad for a couple hours but...again, I love him with all my heart but...when we left, there was no feeling of "do we have to leave already?" It wasn't that I wanted to get out of there in a hurry or anything. It was more like when you go to a fast food place and when you are done, you are just done. You get in your car and go.
I don't know why it has taken me some 7 years to fully accept this. But since my mother passed, it is true...the edges of our family are frayed to the point that we are tearing apart. There is no real connection or desire to go back. I hate to say this, but sometimes I do feel that I could not have contact and it would still be ok. There is that small part of me that feels that I need to have them, I mean they are my family. Yet someone once told me, "you don't have a family, you have relatives by blood and that is all".
And so...
...I realized!
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