Every year around this time, everyone is asked the same question. What do you want for Christmas? First of all, I'm about 10 seconds from doing away with the greedy mentality of this holiday season in my household and making it "mandatory" that all "giving" be done either to charity or randomly throughout the year. Second, to all my friends and family...all I want is to be happy.
Dealing with depression, this is beyond hit or miss. I honestly can't remember the last time I truly felt happiness. Of course I was happy beyond measure when my children were born, and not to negate those moments at all, but those times were a given. Yet, since I was a teenager, I have had this horrible cloud of sadness and "feeling of doom" over my head. I have begun an internal spiritual search to find out where this has come from and how to send it back. I don't want it anymore (not that I ever did nor did I ask for it).
That being said, I know when and where it started and I know the first step is forgiveness. But, how do you forgive someone when they aren't there? I have so many people I need to forgive in order to get past most of the darkness but since I either don't know where they are or they are passed on...
...I will write.
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